Comparing the 25 stages of body decomposition with a present-day election campaign.

The Moment Of Death:
1. The heart stops.
2. The skin gets tight and ashen in color.
3. All the muscles relax.
4. The bladder and bowels empty.
5. The body temperature begins to drop 1 1/2 degrees Fahrenheit per hour.
After 30 minutes:
6. The skin gets purple and waxy.
7. The lips, fingernails, and toenails fade to a pale color.
8. Blood pools at the bottom of the body.
9. The hands and feet turn blue.
10. The eyes sink into the skull.
After 4 hours:
11. Rigor mortis has set in.
12. The purpling of the skin and the pooling of the blood continue.
13. Rigor continues to tighten muscles for another 24 hours or so.
After 12 hours:
14. The body is in full rigor mortis.
After 24 hours:
15. The body is now the temperature of the surrounding environment.
16. In males, the semen dies.
17. The head and neck are now a greenish-blue color.
18. The greenish-blue color spreads to the rest of the body.
19. There is a pervasive smell of rotting meat.
After 3 days:
20. The gas in the body tissues forms large blisters on the skin.
21. The whole body begins to bloat and swell grotesquely.
22. Fluids leak from the mouth, nose, vagina, and rectum.
After 3 weeks:
23. The skin, hair, and nails are so loose they can easily be pulled off the corpse.
24. The skin bursts open on many places on the body.
25. Decomposition will continue until the body is nothing but skeletal remains, a process that can take a month or so in hot climates, and two months or more in cold climates.
The End of the Election:
1. Immediately at the end of the election, a new election campaign begins.
2. The news channels and talking heads trade hand jobs and blow jobs.
3. Pre-recorded ‘thank-you’ commercials are transmitted.
4. Celebrations are televised from the winner’s camp.
5. President-elect Cabinet heads are discussed with fervor.
After 30 minutes:
6. The country’s going to hell in a hand-basket, due to new policies.
7. The country’s going to save/cure/promote everyone.
8. Blood pools at the bottom of the (defeated) body politic.
9. Hand-wringing and wailing at MSNBC and CNN.
10. First signs of the President-elect being the devil start to show.
After 4 hours:
11. Public apathy sets in again.
12. The corpse of the defeated side is reanimated.
13. The animated corpse threatens / begins lawsuits.
After 12 hours:
14. The Supreme Court cannot decide who will issue the oath of office.
After 24 hours:
15. The Cabinet posts are announced. No one is surprised the the amount of cronyism involved.
16. In males, the semen dies. In females, the semen still dies.
17. The talking heads are now a greenish-blue color.
18. The coloration spreads to the voting public, along with nausea.
19. There is a pervasive smell that pumpkin spice ‘anything’ can’t cover up.
After 3 days:
20. The oil and gas lobby take their cut of the pie.
21. The body politic begins to bloat and swell grotesquely.
22. Projectile vomiting, mistaken for journalism, becomes the new normal.
After 3 weeks:
23. The money and favors flow loosely; the taxes can be increased on the proles.
24. The country suffers divisiveness and open class warfare.
25. Decomposition will continue until the country is nothing but empty remains, a process that can take as little as a month or as long as four/eight years.
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