Two months. Holidays. Existence.

I would not call it Seasonal Affective Disorder, but damn, I had nothing (to write about). Oh, there were plenty of topics to get upset and rant on. It was that I didn’t want to be bothered focusing on them – or bringing down anyone else’s holiday spirit.

But it’s a new year. A fresh start and all that gibberish. As we close the end of the first week, millions of us are salivating over the upcoming Powerball drawing. Whether any single or group of people win, is besides the point. The fact that almost an entire nation is a sucker for this con (including me) is a pathetic shame.  {A day later, three winning tickets. My tickets – only one number matched up.}

So, I’m not a seer by any means.  But, I did make some predictions last year.

10. Female country-western singer gets approving reviews for movie she stars in. People Magazine misses it completely. (This one’s kind of lame; lets spice it up a bit. C&W linked to drug cartels, caught smuggling product as guitars and guitar cases. Mules tell Border Patrol, “Oh, we’re the band for the wedding.Apologies to Cheech & Chong for borrowing the idea.)

*** On the surface of it, I lost this one completely. BUT. Sean Penn inadvertently bringing in El Chapo under the idea of making a movie about the drug lord? Similar, but not quite – zero points.

9. The personal electronics consortium promotes ‘The Next Big Thing’. Consumers flock to it like flies on shit. Animatronic Pet Rock? Google-Bluetooth underwear to let like minded people know if you’re horny or just need to drop a load. Automatic voting controller registers a valid heartbeat, goes through randomizer, and place a vote that doesn’t count anyway, because we’re all sheep.

*** The Next Big Thing, wasn’t.  CES had lots of items, no great scene stealers. Automatic voting didn’t occur (as far as we know). Politicians are still in office. Zero points.

8. International organ harvesting-trading goes public and commercial. New laws enacted in certain nations decriminalize procedure. Loopholes make entire planet at risk due to lack of witnesses after the fact (of stolen parts). Growth industry of harvesters-traders (official markets open in Tampa, Marrakech, Macau, and North Sudan).

*** Zero points (I’m on a roll!) Although geneticists continue to push the envelope on growing replacement parts.

7. Central or South America nation merger. Due to poor economic or military positions, one or more countries go beyond treaties and create a new ‘United’ nation. UN dumbfounded as to how to delegate voting. UN sues USA for financial support to research problem.

*** I really had hopes for this one. Although, given the current state of the economies down south, there is still the possibility. Currently zero points.

6. US Congress passes new election law which only allows family related entrants to political process. Thousands of members from the three branches of government rush to change their names to Bush or Clinton. Collateral damage of millions of birth records being destroyed makes fact checking impossible.

*** The law may have been passed, but is buried under three tons of other laws enacted when they passed a budget in September. While advertising doesn’t show the name changes, the candidates themselves demonstrate that inbreeding is thriving in Washington DC. Claiming TWO points on account of I’m so far behind.

5. Weather cycle changes, shifts into reverse. Winter turns to Autumn; Summer turns to Spring. Politicians blame politicians. Textile markets crash, consumers aren’t smart enough to buy bikinis in November and parkas in June.

*** The weather patterns did not reverse. But I’d swear that they’ve shifted. 70+ degrees in mid-December? The consumer market for seasonable goods is still convoluted (Christmas decorations in October; inflatable beach balls in December). ONE point for getting it close.

4. Year of the Children. Kids manage to assert dominance in a number of cities worldwide. No one notices differences aside from higher pitched voices.

*** Zero points. Why? Because every kid who asserts dominance either gets arrested, shot, or both.

3.Reality TV and game shows create the final merger: ‘Battleground’, a prime shooter view show. Kind of a continuous gladiator show, 24/7. Originally staged in Detroit, the show gets licensed to a number of failed cities worldwide.

*** TWO points for this only due to it being failed nations (Syria, Iraq, Yemen). No winners though.

2. Something Northern. Geographically speaking. Not a major calamity, but world newsworthy enough to get a weekends worth of attention. Not Northern Ireland though. Seems too easy.

*** Solid point on this one. There was a weekend story about the Arctic ice sheet disappearing more rapidly than first thought.

1. The rest of the universe ignores our little speck of space flotsam. Possibly due to the release of a number of sci fi themed movies that defied credibility, if not logic. Indian Mars mission makes early arrival only to find indications of previous Tibetan mission. Chinese space agency remains silent.

***  Safe one point for this item. I’d claim a second point about the Mars mission, but everyone is keeping hushed up about it.

0. This year’s zero is mostly to make up for the lameness of the first #10. Ancient manuscript discovered in Egypt attributed to William Shakespeare. Speaks about ‘giant birds’ crashing into the sea. Airlines double up on maintenance crews.

*** One point for giant birds crashing.  Airlines doubled up on insurance coverage.

Hmmm. Eight points out of ten (11) Given that I was a little wishy-washy about scoring, I’ll be willing to subtract two points to be fair. We’ll see what I come up with for 2016.

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