Reviewing last year’s predictions, I have to give myself a pat on the keyboard. By my (humble) calculations I’m batting just shy of .300 (.289744). Feel free to do your own assessment; comment back. As to justifying my score, I’m not going to. I’m just as good as the professionals. Now, to this year’s choices.
10. Female country-western singer gets approving reviews for movie she stars in. People Magazine misses it completely. (This one’s kind of lame; lets spice it up a bit. C&W linked to drug cartels, caught smuggling product as guitars and guitar cases. Mules tell Border Patrol, “Oh, we’re the band for the wedding.Apologies to Cheech & Chong for borrowing the idea.)
9. The personal electronics consortium promotes ‘The Next Big Thing’. Consumers flock to it like flies on shit. Animatronic Pet Rock? Google-Bluetooth underwear to let like minded people know if you’re horny or just need to drop a load. Automatic voting controller registers a valid heartbeat, goes through randomizer, and place a vote that doesn’t count anyway, because we’re all sheep. (I know it’s a picture of a llama – I was too lazy to load up a sheep – which sounds kind of obscene, doesn’t it?)
8. International organ harvesting-trading goes public and commercial. New laws enacted in certain nations decriminalize procedure. Loopholes make entire planet at risk due to lack of witnesses after the fact (of stolen parts). Growth industry of harvesters-traders (official markets open in Tampa, Marrakech, Macau, and North Sudan).
7. Central or South America nation merger. Due to poor economic or military positions, one or more countries go beyond treaties and create a new ‘United’ nation. UN dumbfounded as to how to delegate voting. UN sues USA for financial support to research problem.
6. US Congress passes new election law which only allows family related entrants to political process. Thousands of members from the three branches of government rush to change their names to Bush or Clinton. Collateral damage of millions of birth records being destroyed makes fact checking impossible.
5. Weather cycle changes, shifts into reverse. Winter turns to Autumn; Summer turns to Spring. Politicians blame politicians. Textile markets crash, consumers aren’t smart enough to buy bikinis in November and parkas in June.
4. Year of the Children. Kids manage to assert dominance in a number of cities worldwide. No one notices differences aside from higher pitched voices.
3.Reality TV and game shows create the final merger: ‘Battleground’, a prime shooter view show. Kind of a continuous gladiator show, 24/7. Originally staged in Detroit, the show gets licensed to a number of failed cities worldwide.
2. Something Northern. Geographically speaking. Not a major calamity, but world newsworthy enough to get a weekends worth of attention. Not Northern Ireland though. Seems too easy.
1. The rest of the universe ignores our little speck of space flotsam. Possibly due to the release of a number of sci fi themed movies that defied credibility, if not logic. Indian Mars mission makes early arrival only to find indications of previous Tibetan mission. Chinese space agency remains silent.
0. This year’s zero is mostly to make up for the lameness of the first #10. Ancient manuscript discovered in Egypt attributed to William Shakespeare. Speaks about ‘giant birds’ crashing into the sea. Airlines double up on maintenance crews.
Overall kind of boring, compared to 2014, whose problems tend to continue into 2015. Maybe some animal sacrifices performed by business leaders will spice it up a bit.