I came across this article and I thought the two phrases in my title sounded cool. Granted, the ‘Baby Jesus in Motion’ is a direct quote. I read that, and remembered the old 1969 song ‘Backfield in Motion’ by Mel Hardin and Tim McPherson. The Lo Jack Jesus is my idea and sounds like a possible book title for William Gibson; maybe another sequel to Mona Lisa Overdrive.

So, for the lyrics to Baby Jesus in Motion, (maybe the next Christmas hit) I submit the following:

Baby Jesus in motion, yeah,
He’s gonna simply bless all o’ you
Baby Jesus in motion, bless him,
You know that he saves all o’ you.

In a swaddling cradle, yeah,
He came from on high above, baby
God’s son in person, yeah, Blessings from our Heaven with love

You know what He is, baby,
Greatest, there’s no doubt
You know what He is, baby,
Thank you God for sendin’ your son

And we’re groovin’ with our
Baby Jesus in motion, yeah,
He’s gonna simply bless all o’ you
Baby Jesus in motion, bless him,
You know that he saves all o’ you.

First down, he came down to see, Second down, he asks us to be,
Third down, he loves us you know,
Fourth down, he left us to go,

Cus we’re movin’ with our
Baby Jesus in motion, yeah,
He’s gonna simply bless all o’ you
Baby Jesus in motion, bless him,
You know that he saves all o’ you.

Now we can see him livin’,
Amongst all of us,
You can join us praisin’,
Or you’ll simply just miss the bus.

And we’re lovin’ with our
Baby Jesus in motion, yeah,
He’s gonna simply bless all o’ you
Baby Jesus in motion, bless him,
You know that he saves all o’ you.

Baby Jesus in motion, Baby Jesus in motion… Baby Jesus in motion, Baby Jesus in motion…

Meh. Not bad for an hours’ effort.

Now, back to the story behind the title. What is it that is so special about stealing Baby Jesuses? Seriously, besides teenage pranks, what’s the point? Nobody’s going around stealing menorahs or festivus poles. If someone started kifing prayer rugs from mosques, the mainstream press would be parading a tremendous woodie. I’m not supporting any one religious group here (full disclosure: raised Roman Catholic, now a non-practicing Taoist), but swiping one display is a prank. Taking fifteen or more is not at the level of a hate crime, but is in that neighborhood. I’d ask the FBI to investigate, but I assume they’re busy trying to protect the current emperor.

Last, Lo Jack Jesus should be read “Lo! Jack Jesus!” Jack is a detective from the Abyssinian division, on the trail of serial killer poisoning wheat deliveries in Nazareth County. Or something like that.  My apologies to all for this image – I saw it some years ago and thought of it when writing this:

Jesus_gun

Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a blog-free holiday. Stop surfing, spike your egg nog, and fall asleep on the sofa watching football.

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